It used to be that I’d say, “I dread the day when that horse leaves us.” I’ve had nightmares about it over the years, actually, not ever really being able to imagine what life would be like without him. Well, today is that day. And while I’m finding the day wasn’t necessarily something to fear, a heavy numbness has set in that I know will give way to true sadness at some point. (How do those stages of grief go again?) Anyway, my mom and dad had to make the difficult decision to put our favorite equine family member, Icy Edge, down today. Part of me wishes I had been there, to see how he was comfortable enough in his final hours to search pockets and hands for carrots. The other part of me remembers how it was when I had to put my cat down a few years ago–my first pet I acquired as an adult–and I know I’d be a wreck and not much help in the scenario.

So from 500 miles away, I’m beginning to reflect on the impact this horse made on my life, knowing that words will inevitably fall short. Icy was a part of our lives for 19 years. This off-the-track Thoroughbred lived to be 30 and change, so his life was far longer (and probably richer/fuller) than many would expect. Just about every horseman or horsewoman has that horse they remember that was a standout: the one that taught them valuable lessons, provided companionship through a difficult or formative time in their life, or partnered with them on a particularly memorable adventure. Maybe all three